Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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