Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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