he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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