I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
