youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
