I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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