If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
