God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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