You made me cry and you don't even care
I just saw a hot homeless man
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
