Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
