Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
