I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
did you just send me my own nude
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
