I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize