dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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