So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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