You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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