I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i think i just lost a toe
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