trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
