in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
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Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
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Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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