She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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