I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize