Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Randomize
