I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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