No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
