How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
