come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
