the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
