this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize