Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
