i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
