I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
