Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
