the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
