a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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