Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
