I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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