I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
