my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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