that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
