3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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