Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Boobs speak an international language.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
