the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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