I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
