I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
