There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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