Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
