He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
