Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
