I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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