a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize