i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
