Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
