I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize