I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
