you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
