Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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