you guys were way drunker than both of me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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