If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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