how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
