We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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