I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
