Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
