apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
this boner is exhausting
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
