May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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