so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
