and i looked up. we had an audience...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
